Thoughts from Roleen…
It was another great Wine with Roleen. Thanks, Sean and Mike (Jacob WW), for hosting our intimate gathering of 10. It was the perfect setting for even more intimate conversations and I love that I continue to learn from this community of parents who are so supportive and compassionate. It is my tradition with these parenting gatherings together to come with a couple things up my sleeve just in case there may be a need for some kind of “starter” but we never seem to be at a loss for words and with a new group every time, there is always some spark to begin the dialogue.
What got us reflecting this time was an article https://qz.com/1121091/ parents-fighting-in-front-of-their-kids-can-be-a-good-thing-in-certain- cases/. written by Adam Grant, an author and professor of psychology at Wharton. We’d all like to think that we never argue in front of our children but let’s give ourselves permission to be human here and take a new look at how we address the inevitable. Grant says that the right kind of fighting helps kids think independently and allows for creativity.
As a group, we reflected on these four points for modeling effective arguing:
• Frame it as a debate, rather than a conflict
• Argue as if you’re right but listen as if you’re learned from them
wrong
• Make the most respectful interpretation of the other person’s perspective
• Acknowledge where you agree with your critics and what you’ve learned from them.
We all agreed that the second point is the hardest one to do and yet understood that to really be heard, one must listen first. Whew! I think we’ve all got some work to do. Talk amongst yourselves!
xoxR