Dear Roleen,
I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages. I’ve been working so much I rarely get to spend time at NSW. Lola loves it, by the way.
Here is a story about Axel in Kindergarten. I do believe that NSW has a lot to do with how Axel handled this situation. It made me so, so proud.
For several mornings at school drop-off I noticed that a boy (about a head shorter than Axel), was getting very physical with him…shoving, pulling, hands all over him. As I was conversing with a parent on one of these mornings, I noticed that the boy was trying to push his fingers into Axel‘s eyes. Axel was very politely attempting to reposition his body in order to stay out of harm’s way. I stepped in and asked the boy to step back and keep his hands to himself. I told him it looked as if Axel didn’t like what he was doing, and to keep his hands away from other children’s eyes.
After school I asked Axel if the boy was bothering Axel, and he told me he was. I asked Axel if he’d asked him to stop, and his response was, “Yes, but he just doesn’t understand.”
I continued to follow up with Axel, and to let him know it was okay to use a firm voice (like he uses when he’s mad at his sister). Axel said, “But that’s not nice to talk to people that way.” I asked if he’d spoken to the teacher and Axel informed me that the boy “doesn’t listen to the teacher either.”
Well, the “bullying” continued. It got to the point where one day, Arty came home with Axel from school pickup, with advice from his teacher. He was told that if the boy bothered him again, and wouldn’t listen, Axel was to very firmly push him away from his body. Apparently, the same boy had been doing the same thing to a much smaller boy, who finally gave him a good shove. He was never bothered again.
I figured, well, not every child goes to a school like NSW and learns how to problem-solve by talking things out. Sometimes you gotta push back a little. We encouraged Axel to do whatever was necessary.
Well a few days later I asked Axel if the boy was still bothering him. He said “No.” I asked if he had pushed him or spoken to him with the firm voice. Axel said, “No. I did this,” and he fully extended his arm with his hand open. He then said, “I asked him what this means. The boy said stop, not ‘five’, because that could mean either thing, you know. I told him, yes, that means ‘stop’, and when I do this,” (he showed me again), “it means you need to stop.”
Needless to say, this worked. They are now the best of friends, and Axel did not have to resort to what he calls “not nice behavior.”
I was truly impressed that Axel took his time to figure this out on his own terms, ignoring the poor advice of his teacher and both his parents. He is such a gentle boy, and I know he will always be that way. It was my “moment of the year”.
Thanks again for all you do!
Love,
Pam