Update from Roleen + Discussion:
– Started with update about NSW parent discussion re: helping the kids relate to topics on death. The kids have been interested in this discussion.
– Most important advice is to refrain from long conversations that have too much information that they can’t fully grasp. Instead ask them what they think. What’s in their mind/context?
– Even adults don’t know how to relate to death and we rarely help each other through it (vs. when a baby is born we have set social cues).
– Charlie S’ mom Emily recounted the story of their family pet dying. It’s an example of a situation where death came up for the 1st time – an example of a good opportunity to show your child how to grieve and explain what the many emotions of dealing with this kind of case are.
– Liv’s mom suggested that like death, certain topics can be scary if we let them. i.e. ‘bad guys,’ ‘dark,’ etc. These connotations are opportunities to let your child explain their image of such things, which is often very different than what we, as parents believe, is their true concern.
– Roleen reminded parents to always ask their kids what they think before engaging them in what you think. You have to try to understand their context. What do they know?
Questions Around Our Response as Parents:
– Mateo + Isaiah’s parents asked about ways to respond to our children acting out – how do we get to the true meaning?
– Scenarios like when our kids use bad language are opportunities to get to the real issues.
– Paying attention to unsavory words/language fuels the wrong behavior instead of getting to the root of their motivation by asking them what they’re feeling and how they can better express it.
– Big Lesson: include your child in the solution.
– Often times it’s a need for your child to get your attention. i.e. we can all more purposefully connect with our children when we see them after a day/being gone.
– Ways to connect are to sit in the car, take ten minutes, or however long is takes to ensure you are ready to be calm and connect with your child and give them your full attention (don’t be on your cell phone and consider practicing habits like reading them a book).
Ways to Model Behavior for Our Children:
– Overall themes- a great conversation that reminded parents that children are ‘modeling’ our behavior and developing their own ways to get what they want.
– More intentionality from parents will help children discover their own needs/ideas.
– Our role is to help children find solutions for themselves.
Thanks again, Elena, for hosting. See you all at the Webers on the 18th.