It was lovely to see some familiar faces on the EW first day Coffee via Zoom. Whew! It’s a whole new world! That said. . . with all the things that are different, there really are so many things that remain the same and I find great comfort in reminding myself to stay focused on this as it is a great tool in grounding myself.
These Coffees with you have remained my constant, my touchstone, and I am so grateful and though I long for the human touch and the shared tasty nibbles in cozy kitchens, I’ll take these Zoom moments. . . Not Forever But for Now.
Talking about and writing down what is still the same is a great exercise for not only us but for children, too. Right now, everyone is excited to be back to school. Children have longed to see their friends and reunite with their teachers and though we tried our best to prepare them for their re-entry, they’ve got to have some questions, some surprises, some struggles with the adjustment to their school world. Be prepared for when the “honeymoon is over”. Remember how you feel when the uncertainty takes over. Though resilient, children struggle with putting names to feelings sometimes and if they can’t come up with the words, they speak through their behaviors. So if you see changing behaviors in your children. . . and you will! . . . avoid asking the Why? question. Just make some space for conversation and put yourself in their shoes.
Remember, too, that our job is not to fix but to listen, lean in, reflect back, and invite the dialogue that empowers critical thinking and problem solving all while remembering that there may not be one answer or any answer! Sometimes that means we might have to sit with unresolved “stuff” for a while and revisit again when the time is right. That’s not easy but a valuable process for all of us.
When the EW parents met on Monday’s Coffee, we talked a bit about our own process of grieving. Reflecting on the stages, we are passing in and out of Denial, Bargaining, Anger, and Depression with moments of Acceptance only to fall in and out and all over and back again. It’s a roller coaster ride we’ve been on since we quarantined with Safer at Home orders on March 13th. My goal is to soon reach the 6th Stage of this grieving process. Finding Meaning. But isn’t that what our life’s work has always been?!
I’ve attached the Changes and Transitions article that is permanently housed in our articles section on the ParentsPortal here again for your reference. You may have remembered it as one I gave you when you first entered NSW. I find it so useful as a reminder of the Three Phases of Transition which begins with an ending. So much of what we knew is no longer and until we can say goodbye and sit with the feelings that go along with that, we can’t fully find and embrace the new beginning. A lot of us are sitting in the Neutral Zone right now. It’s the hardest phase. . sitting with the feelings, and the article speaks to us wanting to rush through this time because it’s so uncomfortable and in many ways painful. This keeps us from fully embracing the movement of passing through the process which we have to have to embrace the rhythm of change.
I hope it finds you some comfort or at least awareness and reassurance that what we are experiencing is what we are supposed to be experiencing!
As always, I welcome your reflections, your questions that you feel like sharing. I learn so much from you. That will always remain the same! Grateful.xoxoR