Dear Roleen,
My child is going to a kindergarten next year that none of his NSW friends will be attending. What should I be doing to get him ready for the transition?
Signed,
A Little Worried
Dear Worried,
Change really brings up a lot of feelings. . . for all of us. . . and this passage onto kindergarten is a big one. Leaving preschool for kindergarten is one of many separations that children meet with a combination of delight and anxiety and even though they are pleased when they are ready for elementary school, they may feel anxious about leaving the school, friends, and teachers they know and love.
If you think back, you have already done some good groundwork. Give yourself some credit for providing your child the opportunity to work through his first big step in separating from you when he entered NSW for the first time. Take a walk with him back in time and remember all the feelings you both had together and talk about what you did to help him (and you!) through the struggles and worries. Celebrate his successes with him and think about all the things you did that helped him through it. Research is proving that children who have been prepared or who have had previous separations seem to handle new separations more positively. In child development terms, that means it’s important to build their “schema”.* They are learning from their experiences.
Understanding that, we build our school curriculum around making relationships and from the very beginning we give children the time and resources they need to process their feelings:
© I’m sure you still have all the notes that were written to you during those first few months at school
© and the children still find great comfort in thumbing through their family books.
© We continue to make connections with the children and families who have moved throughout the year by having their pictures and addresses available for letter writing.
© In the past, the children (on their own and then with support from the teachers) have drawn maps to connect their homes to each other and
© We have personal photo and story books in our library from those friends who no longer attend NSW.
© We also have a flip book of the children’s photos and addresses at the EW Communication Center so they can begin connections and letter writing.
© A few years ago, with the help of our parents, we also started collecting photos of different kindergarten classrooms to bring focus to things that are familiar to the children. The albums with photos from Walgrove, Beethoven, St. Mark’s, Wildwood, Echo Horizon, Overland, and Edison contain pictures of rug and block areas, the shelves with manipulatives such as puzzles and games, lunch areas, eating areas, outside play areas and most importantly toileting areas, all of which spur conversations. Where is everyone going? How are we going to stay connected? What do you think we’ll be doing?
The idea is to bring awareness to things that are the same or familiar. The children must have some sense of control when they are feeling “out of control” (“No, wait. I don’t want to go to kindergarten and what do you mean, I don’t have a choice?”) and to have literal things to touch and feel supports the process.
It’s important to watch what we’re saying, too. Often we over emphasize the word “big”. “You’re bigger now.” “You’ll be going to big school.” This is too much for anyone to handle and it isn’t any wonder why children seem to regress just before this transition. Parents are confused when children start having monster dreams or start sucking their thumb but it’s important to remember that this can be a confusing time. Children are trying to process their next stage. Yes, they are getting older and that’s exciting but they are also leaving something very comfortable and that can be challenging. You have to know that feeling! Validate it.
Remember, too, that our job is not to “give them the answers” to questions that we may not be sure about ourselves. But we can listen to them, help them write down their questions and research for the answers with them. What will the first days of school look like? How will the schedule change? Have you given them a chance to be a part of the discussion?
With that, check in on your own feelings about change. You must have things that come up for you. Recognize what’s your “stuff” and what belongs to your child. You are very much their role model and how you handle change will support or hinder their experience.
Remember, too, that parents are young children’s social planners. In order for your child to maintain contact with their friends when they leave for kindergarten, parents must arrange visits, help place phone calls or mail children’s letters. Our graduation yearbook will help you stay connected. We hope you thumb through it often.
* Piaget’s term for a general way of thinking about or interacting with ideas and objects in the environment.