COFFEE WITH ROLEEN 10/24/2012

Click on the colored photo-set link to see some pictures from the latest episode of Coffee With Roleen. Thanks to Alison and Tom for opening their home for the occasion. When you applied to NSW did you know there’d be a regular parenting seminar? This time the starting theme involved how to approach for the holidays, and, as always, extended into countless meaningful diversions. Here are the notes:

Theme: Cycle of the school year / How to approach the holidays

Many of the parents are having fashion concerns with their children but we have to trust their journey toward autonomy. We need to respect our children as independent thinkers beyond ourselves. We sometimes try to force our image of ourselves on our children. At times, our kids can call us out on this, but some kids don’t know how. We need to look for signs of resistance that indicate that our kids are not feeling that they are being heard.

What importance are we placing on what other people think of us or the way we are raising our children? We come at life from a deficit place in our culture.

It takes three months to break a habit.

You don’t teach morals in preschool, you model them.

Don’t ask a question of a child if you already know the answer you want. You are setting yourself up for a confrontation. Or differently put – don’t ask a question of a child you don’t want to hear the answer to.

Children are simply trying to get their needs met.

Between ages 4-5 and 14-15 kids think 180 degrees opposite from parents. It’s very difficult to come to an agreement between parents and kids during these ages.

Kids don’t try to hurt other kids’ feelings, they want attention.

Kids want what they want when they want it. They live in the present tense.

When kids display regressive behavior you can replay their lives back them as a way of recognizing the changes they are undergoing in their lives.

Every six months kids go through big psychological shifts.

Check out the TED Talk on child development. Kids experience life as if they are in Paris for the first time in love after having had three espressos.
http://www.ted.com/talks/alison_gopnik_what_do_babies_think.html

Kids have to know the rules or they can’t know if they are breaking them. You need to set the parameters for behavior. Firm limits are important. They will give our kids a sense of security and boundary that they will need when they start to break away from us between ages 10-12.

We want to be friends with our kids. We don’t want to be disciplinarians. But need to set healthy limits for behavior. This gives kids a sense of security.

We need to empower our kids to speak up when something is happening to them that they don’t like.

Acceptance and trust of our kids is crucial. Kids are much more capable than we realize. Be there to support and hear them, but also acknowledge that are often able to figure things out themselves. They have their own instincts that they have to trust.

Parents need to be in touch with their own fears.

Patterns of behavior in kids tend to change often.

Parents should write down their own feelings so that negativity doesn’t come out in their own behavior.

The holidays are a time of great social expectation. We have to decide what is important to us. Beware of the hustle bustle. Kids don’t want toys – they want you.

There are holiday articles available on the blog.

— Documentation Committee