By Robinne Lee
I have been dreaming about Coffee with Roleen for almost two and a half years now. I’ll admit it. It was one of the selling points on my New School West tour.
Sure, I was immediately mesmerized by the enchanting environment, the darling children flitting about, the gentle, charming, seemingly all-knowing director. I sat on that back patio clutching my husband excitedly with one hand and jotting down notes obsessively with the other. This magical place seemed like the perfect fit for our then toddler. Reggio Emilia? Check. Engaging teachers? Check. Diversity? Check. But then the gentle, charming, seemingly all-knowing director mentioned “Coffee with Roleen.” My ears perked up, my pen moved spastically across the paper…all caps, underlined, three exclamation marks and an asterisk. COFFEE WITH ROLEEN!!!* What lovely little surprise had the cat pulled out of her hat?!
I remained entranced as Roleen described the monthly ritual. A group of parents coming together over donuts and coffee or what have you to discuss whatever issues might be afflicting us at any given time. She was there to share our concerns, dole out advice, feel our pain, and I knew, I knew I had found the perfect preschool director for me. Forget about my child.
I imagined it would go something like this: the two of us huddled over piping hot lattes and Krispy Kremes, her holding my hand, while I cried about toilet training, climbing out of the crib, not eating vegetables, throwing sand. She reassuring me that it was all normal, and my child would still go on to perform neurosurgery, run a studio, be President of the United States. Not necessarily in that order. And then the next parent would step up and reveal his woes, and she would heal him. And it would go around the circle like this, culminating in a group hug and a rousing rendition of Kum-bay-ya. “Sign me up!” I thought. You know, assuming we get in.
That was in April of 2007. Last fall, our child started with the Sunflowers. It was an afternoon group. And try as hard as I might, I could not make it to one single “Coffee with Roleen.” Our commute is a bit longer than most: somewhere around 40 minutes, but occasionally up to an hour in traffic. I know, crazy. And though I may have had the best of intentions, the idea of driving an hour each way to have coffee and then return with my kid an hour and a half later, seemed a bit excessive. Especially when there’s a Starbucks on every corner.
Well, this year we are finally full day students! Whoo-hoo! And for the first time I got to actually attend a Coffee with Roleen!! And I have to say, it lived up to the hype! It was the second week of school, and we were all still going through that transitional phase, so we descended on Roleen en masse. About a dozen of us showed up at the home of Rachel Lee (mom to Paloma, EW, and Raven and Phoebe, WW), who welcomed us with a fabulous spread: bagels and smoked salmon, croissants, fruit salad, a wonderful polenta cake, mimosas (mimosas!), and yes, coffee.
Everyone was excited about the new year. There were many first time moms, many returning moms, a mom who had been at the school some years ago, but who was now returning with her second child – it made for a nice mixture. Although, there were no dads. Where were the dads? Surely, some of you have questions. And it’s not like I never see men at Starbucks, so I’m pretty certain your kind drinks coffee. For those of you who work at home, or have flexible schedules, please drop in next time. I promise you we won’t sing Kum-bay-ya.
The overwhelming majority of us had issues about transitioning, whether it was from the West Wing to the East Wing, from half day to full day, or being new to preschool altogether. It had been an emotional time for many – for the children as well as the adults. Some were having issues of separation that played out at school with parting tears in the morning, or resisting naps in the afternoon. Others were dealing with the stress at home, which seemed to manifest in everything from hitting and kicking to frequent waking, bed-wetting and tantrums. To be clear, we’re talking about the kids here, and not the adults. The stresses brought on by change play out in a variety of ways, and Roleen was very helpful in empathizing and sharing tactics on how to address these behaviors. It was reassuring for many to hear that this was all part of the process and that this phase would not last forever. Because for those of us who have been in the throes of it, it is sometimes impossible to imagine ever getting beyond this particular stage. And it was nice to know that we were not alone in our desperation and misery. Or maybe that’s just me talking.
In the end, there was no group hug, no Kum-bay-ya, but the pleasant realization that we had found a community. After all, it does take a village. And it’s good to know our village is led by a gentle, charming, seemingly all-knowing director.
The next Coffee with Roleen will be held on October 26th. Sign up is on the front door.